Ohh deployment...

As I reflect on the past 5 1/2 months of this awful deployment, I start to realize that we are almost home free.  As amazing as that is... it also means it's just about time for the homecoming anxiety to set in.  I know that there are always these mushy videos and photographs of homecoming that brings America to tears... but what happens when the cameras are turned off, the pictures put away, and life starts again?  It literally is like starting all over again.  And while I'll be the first to say "Oh it's like he never left..." we military wives know that a lot of times that isn't the case.
When my husband left our daughter was 8 months old, and when he gets back she'll be about 16 months.  For those of you who don't have kids that means a HUGE difference!  My anxiety partly comes from the fact that I don't want him to feel like he doesn't know how to take care of his own daughter.  But, lets face it - he left with her being fed mushed up food, sleeping half the day away, and slowly crawling around the floor.  Now the little monster runs around like a lunatic, eats pretty much anything, and is wide awake for almost as many hours as I am.  So how do we adjust to this drastic change of life when Daddy comes home? One day at a time.
I haven't had to try too hard to make sure that she remembers who he is.  She sees a picture of that man from a mile away and is screaming "Daddddyyy!!" at the top of her lungs, which makes one less thing to be anxious about.  But I still worry about that adjustment period.  I don't feel guilty for the anxiety I feel, because I know that it's totally normal and a month into homeport I'll be wondering why I ever had any worries to begin with.  But for now we'll take it one step at a time.  We'll try to keep routines as normal as possible when he gets home, and hope all goes well.
I think sometimes it's hard for our fighting men & women to fully understand that our lives actually did go on while they were gone.  I know when my man gets home he always starts to do his own thing how he wants to do it and occasionally I want to shake him and yell "HELLO?! There are two other people in this house to think about here!"  But, it's an adjustment PROCESS and I have learned to choose my battles, very, very carefully. 
I am of the first ones to admit to myself that I am nervous about having him home again. (not that I am not very very excited) I know that when our daughter was born, it took a while for us to adjust.  We needed to respect each other more by realizing that there was a lot more work to spread  around with a new baby in the house.  Once we finally had it down and were in a good place, the Navy put him on a plane and flew him across the world again.  Now when he gets home we'll start all over again trying to get out of our own routines, and start acting like one cohesive unit again.  We'll struggle, we'll surely fight, but we'll get there.  We'll adjust and move on and sure enough it will become just like he never left at all.  This is the life we live, but it is also the life we chose... and I will never regret it, because it has made me who I am today.  So while I may have days where I whine and complain about the Navy and deployment and training exercises... Being a Navy Wife is who I am, and I couldn't be prouder of it.

Do you ever wonder...?

I have a close friend who's husband is an Army Reservist. He is considering going active and making a career out of it, and I have spent many hours discussing this potential switch with his wife. The other day she asked me, what I believe to be, an important question.


"Do you ever wonder if someday Madison will resent you for choosing this life for her?" -Madison being my daughter, and "this life" being that her father is Active Duty in the military.


My response was pretty simple, and really didn't require me to think too much. The answer is YES. ABSOLUTELY. Every single day I worry that my little girl will someday say she hates my husband and I for making her move around, change friends, change schools etc. I worry everyday that I am feeding her the wrong food, disciplining her the wrong way, or letting her get away with too much as well! However, I don't know one mother, military or not, who doesn't question every single decision she makes from the day her child is born. We have to have faith in ourselves that we are doing what is best for our children and ourselves. If active duty military means a stable paycheck and a good career, then we go that way and hope our children understand why it is important for us to live that life. I hope everyday that my daughter will grow up to be proud of her Daddy for the sacrifices he makes. I hope she will understand why it is necessary for people to do the job that he does. I guess my point is that if we avoid making decisions because we are too busy worrying that our children will resent us for them, we'd never make any decisions at all! Do what you believe is in the best interest of your child, and you cannot have regrets. We all make mistakes, and we surely will along the way. But what's important is knowing we made our choices having our hearts & minds set on giving our children a bright and wonderful future.


To any of you who are willing to make these sacrifices and live the life of a military family, I thank you. It takes a strong person to handle the things we go through, and that is why God found the strongest people around and made them into soldiers, their wives, and their families.