The "D" Word

As military spouses and significant others, we all think about it.  Whether we are religious, non-religious, totally trusting and trustworthy or a little flawed here and there... the dreaded "D" word.  Divorce.  We've all heard the rumors and seen the statistics of failed military marriages and people left with nothing.  Hell, if people who don't live the military lifestyle and see each other on a daily basis without long periods of separation so often get divorced, it would be crazy to expect all military marriages to work.  Some people just can't handle the stress, separation and basically being "the other woman/man" to the military.  Not only are our relationships at risk because we're military, but also because many of us are young.  Soldiers are notorious for marrying young, and that isn't surprising in the least.  Not only are there huge benefits to being married financially, but it is nearly the only way to be in the same location as your significant other.  It's expensive to live together, and lets face it, the salary isn't fantastic.  Not only that but in this economy, it's hard for that civilian S/O to pick up and move, and then find a job if necessary.  So we see military couples getting married quickly and married young. Divorce is most likely in those between the ages 20 and 24 according to US divorce rate studies, so it's no wonder the military is semi-known for failed marriages.
My husband and I married in 2009.  He was 23 and I was 22, so we fall right into the "likely to be divorced age group".  Not only that, but we are military, so we pretty much have all the weight of the world working against us.  We are both semi old fashioned and have agreed that we don't "believe" in divorce.  Now, I would never stay in an unhealthy marriage solely for the fact that I refuse to get divorced, but it would take a lot.  I would never leave this marriage unless I knew in my heart that both of us did everything we could to make it work.  So many people take this lifetime commitment so lightly, threatening divorce every other day and changing spouses multiple times in their life.  I am not by nature a judgmental person, and I do understand people change and sometimes spouses grow apart.  But it seems to me that people are starting to get married because they like the idea of getting married... not the idea of being married, if that makes sense.
I've never really focused on the risk of divorce with my husband.  I've thought about the fact that we were both young when we married and had our daughter, and I've thought about the fact that military marriages are notoriously harder than civilian marriages, but I've never thought about how high the risk is for divorce... until recently.  I say that, because my husbands battalion just got back from deployment.  The first group to return has been back for 2 1/2 weeks, and the last group to return got back last night.  Since then, I know personally SIX couples who have separated or are seriously contemplating separation.  And those are only the people I know personally.  Now, I understand deployment is hard and pulls at every string of your marriage... but to make it through eight months of hell and give yourself and your spouse two weeks (or less) to work things out?  Again, I try not to be judgmental and I understand people change.  But when your S/O comes back from a place so terrible with so much destruction and hate, it is obviously going to take some adjusting and reacquainting.  So be patient, and do your best to be understanding.  Marriage is hard, it is genuinely difficult! But if your marriage is not worth more than two weeks worth of effort after eight months of trying so hard to keep it together then you really need to re-evaluate why you got married in the first place.  Believe me if it was for the right reasons, you will find the strength to fight.