Veteran's Day Bananas

With Veteran's day just around the corner, as a military wife and a niece and grand daughter of amazing veterans, I cannot verbally express the pride I have in those who are serving and have served our country.  When I was younger, this day was all about no school, and while we all knew what it meant, it wasn't until we got a little bit older that we truly began to appreciate it's sentiment.  I wish that I could say the same for some of my fellow military wives, who haven't seemed to grasp the concept of what this day is truly about.
Veteran's Day comes with many things. People having big sales, people being grateful for those who have fought for our country, and especially grateful for those whom have paid the ultimate price.  Unfortunately, what also comes with Veteran's Day are those military wives and dependents who crawl out of their holes with their self-righteous, entitled attitudes asking for handouts.  It is well known that many restaurant chains offer a free meal to Veterans on this day.  It is less well known that most of these chains only have a certain number of free meals to offer.
As military spouses, or dependents, we are considered civilians... NOT military. We have never taken an oath, or signed a contract agreeing to fight for our country. We have never been to war. We have never left all that we've known for months and months at a time to deploy to a foreign country where there is nothing we know but the boots on our feet, the uniforms on our backs, and the brothers and sisters at our sides. WE are NOT entitled.
Maybe this is just my personal pet peeve... but it seems I'm seeing more and more who feel the same way as I do. I will break it down in simple terms... it is rude, disrespectful, and inappropriate to walk into a restaurant or other establishment that is offering a free deal on Veteran's day and show your dependent ID card expecting a hand out. It is not rude to walk into said establishment, dine with your husband, allow him to claim his free meal, but decline any offer, asking that it please be offered to another Veteran who has served. As I mentioned before, so many places only offer a certain amount of free meals, and in my eyes - those who have fought for our country deserve it an insurmountable amount more than I do.
If you are a wife, husband, or dependent of the military who plans to take advantage of the Veteran's Day freebies tomorrow, have at it. I just ask that you maybe take notice to the Veteran's... the TRUE heroes standing at the door when you leave. Those who maybe were one or two people too late and will not receive a free meal. Those who endured hellish conditions, injuries, and lost friends fighting for our freedom, but whom you feel are less entitled to a free entree than yourself. Maybe seeing it in this light will make you realize, that the ten or twenty bucks you might save may not be worth it in the end.  If not, then I'm sorry that you're unable to give up a free meal to someone who has given up so much more than that.

We may very well be the "silent ranks" as so many people say, but we do not serve. We support. We support our husbands and wives, we support the cause, we support the close friends we watch board those planes with our loved one, we support our fellow wives standing beside us, we SUPPORT our troops. Show your support this Veteran's Day.

Thank you to all those who have served, are serving, and will serve in the future. Our country would not be what it is without you, and in my eyes, you should eat free everyday.

Reckless Medical Records

I had an absolutely appalling experience today while trying to get my daughters shot records transferred from her doctor's office in NY to the base medical facility in California, and it really gets under my skin that something so important can be treated with such little regard.

This morning I woke up to get Madison ready for her appointment (her first since we've been back in California) and I noticed that her NY doctors never updated the shot record I gave them.  No big deal, I figure.  I gave them a call, gave them the fax number and they said they'd fax the records right away.  Once we got into the office, filled out the development survey, got her vitals checked, and answered the doctor's questions about how she's doing... he listed six or seven shots that she needed.  He explained to me that she is behind because she never got her one year shots.  Now, for any of you who have babies who get shots it is a traumatizing experience (more so for the parent, I think) and I would NOT forget an appointment at which she had gotten shots. I knew she had had hers at one year in the beginning of March, yet the records that were faxed took no note of them.  I immediately called the records department of her NY doctor, and they said they didn't know what had happened but that her shots were listed right there on her records. It took a good 20 minutes to get it all settled and figure out which shots she needed, but it was worth not having to see her go through any more pain than necessary... not to mention the useless and potentially dangerous over vaccinating!  I know that it probably wouldn't be cause for major concern is she did get a few extra vaccinations, but I'm glad I called to double check.

Not only were her shot records wrongly documented in the first set of records... but her medical records also state that she has had the chicken pox.  Now, of course this is something that should be put on her medical records if she had had the chicken pox, which she did not!  Her current doctor and nurse asked me over and over again if I was sure she had not had the chicken pox... wouldn't you remember something like that?!  The NY doctor's office in question has all these nifty little computer pads that they walk around with documenting all your symptoms, shots, and medications... so you'd think that they'd have accurate information.  It just makes me think that if I had two mistakes happen just trying to transfer medical records for a ONE year old, how many mistakes go unnoticed? How many people's medical records reflect false information!? All's well that ends well I suppose, but it has really made me take a note to check twice when it comes to medical information.  There's no reason to give extra shots or wrong medication simply because someone in the records office slipped up and missed something.  Word to the wise, check, re-check and check again! And document things yourself so that if something is missing, you know to look into it! It wouldn't have been the end of the world for her to get a few extra shots, but it certainly wasn't necessary.

Voila!

Insomnia and irritability, explained! My husband and I are beyond excited to announce that baby #2 is in the making!  I am glad there is a logical explanation for all these crazy things going on with me lately.  I hate feeling like I don't know my own body, and I was really starting to feel imbalanced! So now it's on to the fun baby planning, picking out names and nursery themes, getting crafty with fun projects, and shopping, shopping, shopping.  Weirdly, we are totally bumping heads when it comes to baby names.  We picked our daughter's in about twenty minutes once we really sat down to talk about it... but now we can't seem to agree on anything! I'm seriously hoping for a boy (though I will be happy with any adorable, healthy bundle of joy) as we both would like to have this second child and be done, and I know my husband and I would both like a boy.

I don't know what it is about the first weeks after finding out you're pregnant, at least for me, that every symptom I feel seems so dramatic.  I am not just tired, I am TOTALLY exhausted.  I don't have a headache, I feel like a train has run into my skull.  It's ridiculous! I guess things seem worse this time because I have a 1 1/2 year old to run around after.  I will suck it up and deal though, and will thank my lucky stars (knock on wood) that I haven't gotten sick with either pregnancy yet.
With this baby on the way, it really has me thinking about our future.  Considering the options of my husband getting out of the Navy after he re-enlists for shore duty, or making a career out of it.  I have to say there are so many pros and cons for both.  Re-enlistment means benefits, health insurance, housing, and a stable career with little chance of unemployment in the immediate future.  Getting out means more time together, no deployments and being able to buy or build a house without having to worry about getting whisked away from it.  Ultimately the choice is his, and I will support him no matter what he decides to do.  It has just been really getting into my brain lately, wondering where our lives will go!

Speaking of the military... our base hosted Seabee Days this past weekend, which is basically a big carnival on base open to the public where the USN Seabees and the jobs that they do are showcased.  It was actually pretty interesting to see all the different lines of work... underwater construction, electricians, mechanics, steelworkers, builders... Of course as with all military functions there was the opening 16 hours worth of speeches that we had to sit through on the pavement in the hot sun, but aside from that it was a great time.  Fair food is always worth a little sweat and too much fun! I am now able to report that I have tried deep fried oreos... which possibly would have been much better had I not been already crammed full of grease and sugar, but they were still good all the same.  So it was a successful weekend in Southern California, with lots of family time and lots of sleep... now we're all well rested and ready to make it through another week!

Insomnia anyone??

They say when soldiers get back from tough deployments, they go through all sorts of changes and stress.  Well let me tell you, my husband is in our comfy bed sleeping like a baby and I am wide awake! This has been the story of my life since the day he got home... it's like I have post traumatic spouse disorder or something.  He is adjusting really well to being home.  I mean, he's not as used to having responsibilities to people other than himself but I am trying to be understanding and he is trying to be helpful. Other than that things have fallen into place and we have picked up right where we left off. Believe me, I am so glad that the transition has been easy for him, it's so unfortunate that some soldiers go through so much while they're gone and then continue with an uphill battle on the home front.  But what is MY problem?
It seems like I always have something on my mind, and no matter how small - it keeps me awake and my brain running full throttle.  I need to do laundry, I need to make those appointments I've been putting off, what are we going to eat for dinner for the next six weeks (okay... I don't REALLY plan that far ahead).  I have heard a lot of people talk about having insomnia while their husband was deployed... and I had this same issue then, too.  Maybe I'm just a night owl... maybe I'm nocturnal! That would explain a whole lot.  I am not the worst morning person ever (although thank goodness my daughter is not an early riser) and while I have no problem getting out of bed at six or seven in the morning, it doesn't make me fall asleep any earlier. I am not one for sleeping pills, I won't even take a Tylenol unless my headache is unbearable to the point of not functioning, but something's gotta give here!
I've also been super irritable lately. (again, I thought that was supposed to be something that I had to adjust to my husband doing!) Everything bothers me, and I have no idea how to make it stop.  I get over it and breathe and think "happy" thoughts but it always comes back.  I swear I'm surprised my husband hasn't tried to kill me by now.  He's so patient when it comes to my irritability... half of the time he doesn't say anything at all even though I'm sure he's thinking plenty.  He's such a good man, and he tries so hard to be an amazing husband and father... I honestly don't know what I'd do without him.  He has his quirks and bad habits which I nag relentlessly about - but I think it's about time to let it go.  If he can have the laundry done when I get home from the grocery store, clean up after dinner when I'm having a crappy day, and randomly take the puppy with him to work in the morning to give me a break and let me sleep in... let the man have a dip in his mouth without getting a dirty look (even though I find it seriously gross).
It seems like every military man (and then some) pick up a bad habit from the time they enlist to the time they get out which is morbidly ironic to me.  You go through 6-12+ month deployments trying to keep your life only to come home and pick up a habit that could someday take it away from you? That's terrible to think about - but I have to worry about him 24/7 when he is gone.  I don't want to have any reason to worry when I have him home safe with me. I don't want to worry about disease or disaster or anything else.  I want to shelter him in a protective bubble and keep him with me all the time.  Overkill, I know.  But don't we worry enough?

The "D" Word

As military spouses and significant others, we all think about it.  Whether we are religious, non-religious, totally trusting and trustworthy or a little flawed here and there... the dreaded "D" word.  Divorce.  We've all heard the rumors and seen the statistics of failed military marriages and people left with nothing.  Hell, if people who don't live the military lifestyle and see each other on a daily basis without long periods of separation so often get divorced, it would be crazy to expect all military marriages to work.  Some people just can't handle the stress, separation and basically being "the other woman/man" to the military.  Not only are our relationships at risk because we're military, but also because many of us are young.  Soldiers are notorious for marrying young, and that isn't surprising in the least.  Not only are there huge benefits to being married financially, but it is nearly the only way to be in the same location as your significant other.  It's expensive to live together, and lets face it, the salary isn't fantastic.  Not only that but in this economy, it's hard for that civilian S/O to pick up and move, and then find a job if necessary.  So we see military couples getting married quickly and married young. Divorce is most likely in those between the ages 20 and 24 according to US divorce rate studies, so it's no wonder the military is semi-known for failed marriages.
My husband and I married in 2009.  He was 23 and I was 22, so we fall right into the "likely to be divorced age group".  Not only that, but we are military, so we pretty much have all the weight of the world working against us.  We are both semi old fashioned and have agreed that we don't "believe" in divorce.  Now, I would never stay in an unhealthy marriage solely for the fact that I refuse to get divorced, but it would take a lot.  I would never leave this marriage unless I knew in my heart that both of us did everything we could to make it work.  So many people take this lifetime commitment so lightly, threatening divorce every other day and changing spouses multiple times in their life.  I am not by nature a judgmental person, and I do understand people change and sometimes spouses grow apart.  But it seems to me that people are starting to get married because they like the idea of getting married... not the idea of being married, if that makes sense.
I've never really focused on the risk of divorce with my husband.  I've thought about the fact that we were both young when we married and had our daughter, and I've thought about the fact that military marriages are notoriously harder than civilian marriages, but I've never thought about how high the risk is for divorce... until recently.  I say that, because my husbands battalion just got back from deployment.  The first group to return has been back for 2 1/2 weeks, and the last group to return got back last night.  Since then, I know personally SIX couples who have separated or are seriously contemplating separation.  And those are only the people I know personally.  Now, I understand deployment is hard and pulls at every string of your marriage... but to make it through eight months of hell and give yourself and your spouse two weeks (or less) to work things out?  Again, I try not to be judgmental and I understand people change.  But when your S/O comes back from a place so terrible with so much destruction and hate, it is obviously going to take some adjusting and reacquainting.  So be patient, and do your best to be understanding.  Marriage is hard, it is genuinely difficult! But if your marriage is not worth more than two weeks worth of effort after eight months of trying so hard to keep it together then you really need to re-evaluate why you got married in the first place.  Believe me if it was for the right reasons, you will find the strength to fight.

What defines you?

I have spent a good amount of time with military wives. Whether it be chatting online, connecting through military wife support pages, or in person as friends or acquaintances.  One thing I have noticed is that a lot of said women define themselves as "a military wife or S/O."  When asked what they do, what their hobbies are, what they enjoy... I have heard so many answers such as "I'm just a military S/O, I support my husband/boyfriend...he's a soldier, I enjoy being a military wife/girlfriend that is what I do..." My question is, what does that mean?? Yes, I love being a military wife.  I chose this life and I don't regret it, but I wouldn't glorify it or wish it on someone else, because there are parts of it that are incredibly painful and hard.  We are proud women, but is there a line that needs to be drawn? In my eyes yes, there is.  We do not wear our husbands rank, they got to where there are whatever it took, blood sweat and tears... and while we stood by them every step of the way we are not any better than any other military spouse who has been there standing beside her man.  It seems so many of us find it so easy to let the term "military wife" define us, we miss out on the fact that we should be defining it.  I define military wife by being faithful, supportive, and loving no matter what.  I define it by being proud and understanding, when necessary.  I define "military wife" by pulling myself together and taking care of business while my husband is away... and at the same time I define it by allowing myself to fall apart when I just can't take it any more.  I define myself as a loving and devoted mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend.  I define myself as compassionate, hard working, and genuine.  I do not however define myself as a military wife. This is simply food for thought, but I find it to be a legitimate question... can your actions define the label "military wife" or do you let it define you?

I don't know how many of my fellow ladies out  there have seen something similar to this, but I cannot count the number of times I've seen comments like "I need to find a sexy man in uniform" "really wish I could find a soldier to be with" "I hope someday I can be a military girlfriend/wife" ...... !@*$ NO. You don't.  You need to find a man who loves you unconditionally, a man who respects you, and a man whom you can respect and love, regardless of his occupation.  I hate to stereotype and I'm not usually one to do so, but women who make these types of comments are usually the tag chasers that love em' and leave em' because they didn't realize what they were getting into in the first place.  Combat boots or loafers, dog tags or stethoscope, ACUs, NWUs, BDUs or business suit... find a man that you can love for his soul.  Just as we shouldn't define each other as military wives, we shouldn't define our men as soldiers... because that would be implying that they're all the same.  There is a human being underneath that uniform, and if you happen to fall in love with a soldier, god bless you, but don't go out looking for one.

This topic really pulls at my heart strings because I have so many military friends that have had girlfriends/fiances/wives who were all about the military label until a deployment when they ended up cheating on or leaving their S/O while he was deployed because they didn't realize what a (pardon my french) bitch deployment would be.  Life won't give you anything you can't handle.. this I somewhat agree with. But when you fight fate and go out searching for something on your own, you better make sure you're prepared to handle it before you take on that responsibility.

Too much of too many good things

I know that people say you can never have too much of a good thing... but I have decided that it is thoroughly possible to have too much of too many good things! We have finally, finally made it through deployment, and my husband has been home for a little over a week.  In that time we have managed to buy a new motorcycle, a big screen TV, lots of miscellaneous items that we've been wanting for a while and... a puppy.  Now I am an animal lover all the way and have wanted a dog for as long as I can remember (my parents wouldn't let us have one as kids) but I wish I would have realized that now is NOT the time.  I have basically been a single Mom for 8 months, and now that I finally have my husband home to help out with our daughter, we go and double the work load by adding little Gixxer into the mix.  He is adorable, and he can be a lot of fun, but it is an insane amount of work to get a puppy at any time... let alone as overwhelming a time as homecoming.  I say this because I am sure other couples have made this same decision and I'd like to discourage people from doing it.  Don't take away from your time with your S/O or make it even harder on yourself to adjust to them being home.  We made the decision and we love our dog regardless, but looking back I wish I would have decided to wait.
People watch shows like "Coming Home" and all they see is tears of happiness and big hugs.  Let me be the first to say that that is only a small part of what homecoming is all about.  We as wives are given about a weeks notice when the exact date is set.  After that, it changes almost daily!  Our homecoming time changed THREE times the day OF homecoming! I swear it is the most stressful thing you will ever have to go through. Never have I experienced more anxiety than I did in that day.  I say this for any of the new wives or girlfriends who aren't sure what to expect... yes, it is a wonderful, amazing moment... but don't expect it all to be sunshine and roses.  Take it day by day, rather, minute by minute.  Don't make huge decisions that could result in a serious overload, and try to enjoy your time together while your family adjusts to the big (awesome) change... I wish everyone quick and happy homecomings, because there truly is nothing better - no matter how many gray hairs might pop out of your head while anticipating it's arrival!